Dear John.....

I find that the most humane way to dump someone is the quick painful way. It may come as a shock and is no doubt hurtful but this will be short-lived if done properly. My advice if you have no intention of being friends with the person is to lock, then bolt the door behind you and throw away the key.

There is no point in trying to be nice and leaving it slightly ajar because if they are keen on you they will find a way to squeeze through any tiny sized gap that you leave. Be clear, straight to the point and honest. Do not be ambiguous or leave any room for comebacks or misunderstandings.

Unfortunately there are some who have Teflon-like qualities and (despite being told firmly that you are no longer interested and it is over) will insist on repeated attempts to engage in ‘friendly’ emails with you. I would be inclined to ignore such people. They will never get the message.

It is never pleasant to be at the receiving end of a Dear John letter (or rather email) however I would rather receive one like I have described than the disingenuous ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ rubbish that insults my intelligence. Like the one I received from one ex lover. When I read it, it actually made me laugh out loud. In the office. I wish I could publish it.

Why do people try to be too nice? Personally I do not want people to be too nice to me. I want them to be honest so I do not waste anymore time or energy on them. The long drawn out dumping is completely unnecessary.

I have just been so busy.....

How do you know when a man is losing interest in you? Easy, they (ahem) withdraw. They go distant, take days to respond to emails and text messages claiming to be busy. That is funny, at the beginning when they are doing everything in their power to snare you as it were, they could not text or email enough. Obviously they must have been sitting around idly twiddling their thumbs. The funniest example of this is when an ex lover emailed me to say that he did not have the privacy to respond to my earlier email properly. That struck me as odd. He had the privacy to be signed into an extra marital website (I am also a member) at the time but not to respond to my email? Strange that. I knew what was going on of course but kept quiet. Where was the fun in making it easy for him?? In this day and age, what with texting, email, BlackBerry messenger etc. there are a multitude of ways to communicate with someone or rather a multitude of ways to be ignored by someone! So, that ‘I have been so busy’ line simply will not wash with me!

All odds and sods

A brief overview of some of the latest characters I have encountered while using the dating website:

The man who claimed to be 5ft 11 but in the flesh cannot have been taller than 5ft 8.

The man who claimed to be 38 but in the flesh must have been oooh 50? Maybe 55? Or had aged incredibly badly.

The man who spent an inordinate amount of time detailing the infinite details of his (numerous) previous affairs. Which had emotionally scarred him.

The man who suggested working out together at the gym as a suitable first date.

The man who promised to email me with pictures of himself but instead sent pictures of his two children.

Then man who claimed to have something better than a picture to share and sent me a link to a video he featured in. A charity video. In which he detailed his son’s struggle with a rare disease.

The man who told me that he had emailed between 600 and 700 women. Almost everyone within his preferred age range. To ensure that he was getting value for money, you see. Clearly a very selective chap.

I wish I was making this up. Is it just me? Perhaps I have missed something and I should find the aforementioned behaviour irresistibly alluring and enticing?

Perhaps not!

Married, not blind.

So, I was thinking the other day about my double life and how I had managed to find myself in this situation.

I am 20-something girl, described by others as stunning, with a body in the prime of its life, a fantastic career and all the trappings that come with success.

I also have an amazing husband. Intelligent, witty, caring, hugely successful, considerate but still an alpha male who can be a complete bastard at times. And us women do like a bit of a bastard sometimes.

I also have a wonderful family and equally wonderful friends. I am surrounded by those who respect and love me.

I am often told that I have the perfect life. What people sometimes fail to grasp is that there really is no such thing as perfect. The grass is not greener on the other side, it is just a trick of the light.

This being the case, why on earth would I have signed up to an extra marital affair website? To coin a infamous phrase, it is not him it is me. It is me, I am....restless, a thrill seeker, a risk taker. I love to feel that my heart beating so fast with excitement, it might just burst out of my chest. To feel a severe lust and anticipation that makes you feel alive and in touch with all your senses.

That is why I have joined the site.

The experience so far has been....interesting. I will throughout this blog, detail my experiences, I hope you find them entertaining!